Mindfulness, meditation, and mindset. Something that seems so simple, but also so extremely challenging. These tools have been used for thousands of years, but it feels like now more than ever people are truly finding out how important mindfulness really is at creating a life that is fulfilling. For me, really this means finding ways to come off “automatic pilot,” and be more aware. Mindfulness is about cultivating calmness by having one-point attention. When thoughts or feeling come up, you don’t ignore them or judge them. You simply note those thoughts internally but with no judgment. This noting of thoughts that comes into your head can lead to you feeling less caught up in them and give you a better perspective on your reactions to everyday stress and pressures. Observing emotions from a step back like this can help you see much more clearly what is actually on your mind. Really the goal is to be more aware and in touch with life and whatever is happening in your own body and mind at the time it is happening, in the present.
I’m not gonna lie, focusing on this work is something I’ve procrastinated for a VERY LONG time. I knew it was important, but every time I would try meditating or working on mindfulness exercises I would judge myself and convince myself I didn’t know what I was doing so it was useless.
I’ve definitely struggled with anxiety in the past, but I had noticed that in the last few years it’s crept up a bit more. The crazyness of having my own business, living in San Francisco, and other life stressors were starting to affect my health and sleep. I could see that I wasn’t present often, and felt like I was always stuck in the future or past. It took one scary incident for my anxiety to rear its ugly head again, and a tearful conversation with a friend to finally help me realize it was time to dive into this part of my health and set some mental PR’s. During that conversation he mentioned the Mindfulness Based for Stress Reduction course, and thought that could be a great start to helping me work through these issues.
I literally started the class that week, not gonna lie, it was really difficult in the beginning. The class met on Thursdays which was probably my busiest work day. I knew I was going to be pretty tired during it, and I had a quick turn around after to get back to all of my afternoon/evening clients. The first few classes I noticed that literally the whole 3 hours, I was worried I was going to be late to my 4pm client (I was always 20 minutes early). At the end of those few classes, I totally checked out and was literal thinking about if I should leave, when I should call a car, basically being crazy anxious. I also fell asleep MANY times in the beginning when we were ‘meditating’ (oops). There were days where I totally questioned what I was doing, would this even benefiting me? Was I doing it right? Am I going full fledged hippy at this point?
Finally, something seriously clicked. The first thing I noticed was that I was dealing with stress better and calming down (coincidence, I think not!). I noticed that I was slowing down more often, noticing more, and paying attention much more deeply. It helped me notice when I was trying too hard or over doing things, and MAJORLY helped me with communicating in relationships and hard situations by focusing on empathy and compassion with others especially in frustration or difficult conversations.
I’m not saying that ‘mindfulness’ can necessary fix every problem, but it does give you the tools to deal with thing in a better more thoughtful way. The course did a wonderful job of giving students an array of tools to pull from to hone this skill, here are a few..
Meditation/ Body Scan/ Breathing/Mindful Walking are all great exercises to SLOW DOWNN. We learned about each, and how each can bring about a greater awareness of your body and thoughts. Each is a great way to practice noticing what comes up but also being able to let whatever it is go and come back to the focus, it’s like weight lifting for the mind!
Perception. How we see or don’t see things/situations determines how we respond, really we have control. Actually realizing why you view things a certain way can help you potentially change your perspective into something more positive.
Being present. A few tools we learned for this was yoga and daily mindful activities. Yoga helps in creating awareness in our bodies, how we feel that day physically, what was good/uncomfortable/tight, focusing on movement, breath, areas that had emotion attached. Also, bringing awareness to daily activities was an interesting shift for me. For example with eating, most of us are talking/on social/working/watching TV right? Taking that away, and being 100% mindful here can create a compleately different experience. Eating while focusing only on the food, chewing slowly, looking at what you’re eating, ect. can create better digestion and contentment. I actually felt satisfied after the meals where I tried this, which helped keep me on track with what I ate the rest of the day.
Communication/ Empathy/ Understanding with others. You’ve probably had communication with others that has left you feeling connected, respected and loved, while other interactions left you disconnected, disregarded or frustrated. When you feel threatened chances are you’re going to act in ways that don’t serve the relationship, you or the other person. For example you may stop listening or have difficulty expressing your emotions and needs clearly. This cycle can lead to blame, judging ect, which can make the other person feel defensive. Just like that empathy can disappear and we become fixated on our views. The answer, really hearing and actually listening. It’s easy to hear people, but actually listening and paying attention to more than just the words is important. Listening is when you intentionally and thoughtfully pay attention to the message the other person is conveying, which involves paying attention to cues besides the auditory. Actually noticing body language, tone and facial expression, making listening an actual choice compared to hearing. Also, really understanding what the other person needs out of the conversation, or putting yourself in their shoes ultimately helps everyone out. Another point worth mentioning is learning when to just let go. Learning what’s worth your time and energy for mutual understanding and when it simply makes more sense just to leave it alone.
Lastly, being aware of dealing with stress in a way of reacting or responding. So often we may find ourselves suppressing stress to avoid feeling it. This can show up as overworking, food, alcohol, drugs, ect. Again, having the ability to step back, notice your emotions/feeling and see the bigger picture from an aerial view can help you deal with issues in a more productive and healthy way.
Really the present moment is all we truly have, and I can’t think of anything more important than developing some type of practice to make the most of that time. We live in a world full of endless distractions and I believe people are starting to see that constantly being over stimulated isn’t fulfilling. It seems as though we’re all starting to crave simplicity and things that feel more real. Having the awareness to step back from emotions and thoughts to view from above without judgement can help your health, how you build relationships, and ultimately help you live with more ease and happiness.